Hearts Rippling
by SilverNightRain08
Summary: The faction I want to be in, isn't the one I belong in.
1. Chapter 1

_The opposite of bravery is not cowardice, but conformity. -Robert Anthony_

Mom is screaming again.

Groaning, I roll over, my pillow bending over my ear to muffle her shouts.

_It's fucking three in the morning. Is this necessary?_

A soft creak of my bedroom door and dull light slithering across the carpet suggests Andi is awake too. Despite how my eyelids feel like they each weigh two tons, I lift my head to meet the lean silhouette standing in my doorway.

"Are you awake?" she asks, her spidery fingers still wrapped around the brass handle.

Dad was yelling something back at Mom, a large fist smashing into the counter. Andi shudders at the muffled crash and further slips into my room.

"Yeah, how could I not be?" I grumble, my irritation difficult to bury.

_They're like dysfunctional alarm clocks. No wonder I get no fucking sleep._

Andi pauses and I can tell her lips are pressing together.

"The vents carry the yelling even more into my room. It sounds like they're actually in my room," Andi squeaks. I flop back over to my other side, my hammock swaying over the carpet.

"Feel free to sleep in here then," I mutter, desperate for some shut eye. "You can still hear them, but it's not as loud."

"Thank you."

Andi clicks my door shut once more and makes herself the usual nest in my pile of stuffed animals. I turn back over to look at her as she almost disappears into the mountain of fluff. Her small frame nestles neatly between my large dog and teddy bear, stray tigers and wolves sprawling their limp legs over the rest of her torso and legs. Within a few moments, her breath becomes slow and steady. Enough to convince me she's asleep.

I shift again, resting my hands behind my head, listening to the continuing shouts downstairs.

_It shocks me they don't wake the whole city, damn fools, _I think bitterly but I strain to listen to the argument anyway.

"…Ceremony…decisions…own person!"

_For God's sake. Not this again. _

"…never…!"_slam "_my…daughters to go…"_slam. _

"Why do I even bother?" I grumble to myself, shutting out the glowing stars on my ceiling. Figures they were pissy about that. How could I not have seen that coming?

Defeated and not wanting to hear more, I stuff my head under my blanket and pillow, Mom and Dad's yelling becoming a little less distracting.

**The Following Afternoon…**

If there is any serum the Erudite needed to develop, it's one that can keep you awake for hours on end with no side effects.

I feel like a zombie.

History was torture. I could barely stay awake and the teacher—speaking of Erudite—got all huffy I kept dozing off.

_I'll gladly trade spaces with you, Nose, _I had thought.

I ignored his accusations and leaned my head back on the wall, my arms crossed. I had been surrounded by a bunch of Abnegation students, who shot me disapproving glances. Not that I really cared what the Stiffs thought. Still, that lingering feeling of slight defeat stuck with me even through now.

I pick at my try, watching the vegetables tumble over my fork. I click my lip ring on my front teeth, the metallic taste jolting across the tip of my tongue. Feeling like crap from this morning is not mixing well with the whole "Abnegation people all hate you whether they admit it or not" thought. Not that it matters what a bunch of Stiffs think, but it still hurts me, to a degree. I like to be admired.

"You're awfully quiet, Jay," Victoria glides into the seat next me.

"Long day," I murmur, leaning back in my chair and allowing my back to crack.

_That felt amazing. _

I slick a stray strand of hair behind my ear, the piercings slightly pulling as I do so.

"Parents arguing again?"

"At three a.m. sharp this time. Poor Andi had to sleep in my room because she couldn't sleep," I finish through a yawn.

Victoria raises an eyebrow and then begins to rummage around in her backpack.

"I wonder what she's going to do when her sister decides to leave," she says.

"What the hell are you talking about?" I snap, shocked.

Victoria only shrugs.

"What makes you think I want to leave Dauntless?"

She shrugs again and slides her history text book from her pack.

"I don't know. You…well…I don't know. It was stupid of me to say…you have enough to worry about."

"Damn straight I do. Now I get to worry about you thinking…whatever it is you're thinking," I pop the cap off the water bottle and keep a steady eye on her. Victoria doesn't flinch, like I was hoping she would, and tosses her black hair behind her shoulder.

"I just blurted something out. I said I was sorry."

"Maybe you should switch to Candor," I say and Victoria's face contorts in disgust.

"I'd beat the hell out of all them."

I shrug and sip my water.

"You're still as loud mouth as they are," my eyes diverting away from her.

"Look who's talking!"

Though she sounds as if she's accusing me, and her face expresses shallow anger, her emerald eyes are laughing. It gives away her whole persona. I can't help smiling too.

"You know it's funny," I tease and chug the remaining beverage.

"Oh shut up," Victoria snaps but I catch a twitching smile as she whips her head out of my view, black hair covering her shoulder.

I shrug again as the bell tolls. Victoria is the first to stand and we toss the remaining garbage into the can before gripping the metal railing across from us.

"I dare you to do a flip," Victoria sneers playfully.

"Don't I always?" I purr, quickly double checking no one was directly beneath me. I hoist myself over the rail, my body parallel to it for a moment before I let out a carefree shout and spin myself around, midair. Landing in a crouch, Victoria mirrors my actions and we gather our bags before jogging to our next class.

"My flip was better," she brags.

"Please."

I roll my eyes and shove her into a locker.

"Hey!" she shoves back, trying not to laugh. "You did more of a turn anyway!"

"It counts," I smirk and refocus my vision back down the hall. Other Dauntless students give me nods while in the midst of their own play fights and jumping over the railings from floor to floor. Victoria's loud laughs weave in with other boys of our faction as they pass us, not heeding Abnegation students pressing themselves against walls to stay out their way.

For people that try so hard to stay in the shadows, it's the Abnegation students I notice most often. Something about them…how they were so quiet and suppressed...it makes them the most interesting to read. It's intriguing to see how some of them are genuinely all into their faction, soft smiles and nods, the way they glide in and out of the path of others.. With people like them, it's more of a dance. There's a certain grace to the genuine Abnegation, the ones that I know will choose to stay with their families when the day comes.

Then there are the ones that don't want to be a part of Abnegation anymore. Those people only go through the motions. Something they have to suppress. How rigid their bodies are when they move out of my way while I run and laugh through the hallway. The almost frightened look, as if I'll punch them out if they don't move and yet I can see glittering respect as well. How free we Dauntless are, some of them want it.

Victoria nudges me, snapping my train of thought and jerks her head to the left.

"Do you know her?" she asks.

I glance over her shoulder to briefly meet the gaze of a small Abnegation student. Her blue eyes dart away from my own as she half walks, half runs away.

"She's tiny," I remark, almost surprised, "she looks like she'd be in Andi's class, but I don't know her."

Victoria stares at me, as if she doesn't believe me.

"What?"

"She has been staring at you a lot lately," Victoria claims.

"So? A ton of people stare at me. Not like I go out of my way to blend in," I cock my eyebrow and Victoria shrugs. We don't say anything else, but I located the hurrying girl down the hall, blond hair tied back into a bun behind her head.

_She's one of those students, _I conclude. _She'll be in Dauntless one day. _


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi everyone! I hope you liked the last chapter! I also hope they aren't too long. Haha! I plan on editing and stuff later. Please let me know what you think of Jay and the overall story! I love feed back! Happy reading!**

With a wave good bye to Victoria, I jump off the train and roll over the soft grass. Inhaling the sweet scent, I pause for a moment to appreciate the lush green beneath me and suck in slow breaths.

_Nature is so beautiful, _I think as I study the pure sky. It was such a lovely shade of blue and like a gradation, the blue casually shifted to silvery white on the horizon.

I sprang to my feet and rearranged my back pack straps before sprinting off in the direction of my house. Memorizing the longest route home, I twist through the maze of streets, crossing Michigan Avenue and scaling a small building to run across the roof and leap down. The soles of my feet sting but I ignore it and keep jogging, wrapping my fingers through fence loops and hoisting myself over.

By the time I reach home, my lungs are burning and my legs are shaking, but I still feel as though adrenaline is continually pulsing through me. I want to keep going. However, nothing is left to scale and I trot up to the fence surrounding our yard.

For once, I can't hear anyone arguing after I leap over the fence to enter the house. Then again, no one is home aside from me. My stomach grumbles and I saunter over to the refrigerator to find enough left over hamburger meat to make myself one. It sizzles as I slide it around the pan, waiting for Andi to walk into the house as well. No sooner had I thought it, Andi bounces into the house, her brown hair whipping about her long face.

"That smells amazing," she remarks, tossing her back pack on the kitchen chair.

"It's mine," I half joke, guarding the pan with my body and slip the brown meat onto a bun.

Andi rolls her eyes and sits down after grabbing a bag of chips.

"So, they aren't arguing anymore."

"They aren't even home," I say through a mouthful of burger and Andi beams.

"My point. I say we lock them out tonight."

"Andi! That isn't nice!" I want to laugh but it would be incredibly mean. Andi doesn't seem to care.

"I'm just saying, Jay. Once you're gone, I'm not going to have anyone to really talk to and they'll probably fight even more."

I feel my eyebrows crease at her remark.

"What makes you think that?" I ask and swallow another bite of my hamburger.

Andi pauses for a beat, twisting a lock of straight hair around her index finger.

"Well, I know they are both worried that you're going to choose another faction," she begins and I feel my stomach begin to knot. "It's not like they haven't noticed the way you analyze everything...it's become such a habit with you, it's blatantly obvious. And Dad doesn't want you to leave."

I stare at her, and she continues.

"And Mom...well...she...I don't know."

"What?" I prod her, the knots still forming in my stomach.

"Mom thinks it would be best if you did switch to another faction...like Erudite. She thinks you'll prosper there."

"I prosper here!" I almost shout, the nervous knots twisting into flames of anger. "Why doesn't she think I can?"

Andi shrugs, genuinely clueless.

"I don't know. Maybe I misheard something she said."

My fingers curl into a fist, but I'm not angry at Andi. I was the one that asked after all, but, I have no way of knowing Mom really felt that I belonged somewhere else.

_Though it wouldn't surprise me…_

I wasn't sure why, but something told me Andi didn't mishear.

"I'm going to do my homework, so that Erudite teacher doesn't get pissy with me. Again," I say and rinse my plate off before placing it in the dishwasher.

"See you at dinner. Or tonight. I might go over to Victoria's to chill with Uriel," Andi shrugs and I roll my eyes.

"Just date the boy already," I joke and Andi wrinkles her nose.

"Ew. He wants to transfer to Erudite though. I don't want to be with a Nose!" she laughs and I rub the back of my neck, half amused.

"You don't like Erudite, do you?"

"Not any more than anyone else. I want to stay here and I hope you do the same," Andi replies and walks off into the living room.

I take the stairs three at a time and toss my pack onto my hammock, launching myself after it. The hammock's ropes groan in protest as I squirm to get into a comfortable position and pull a thick book out from my pillow case.

_But, maybe Mom's right, if she really did say all that about me,_ I reflect as I graze my fingers over the thick, leather cover. _Books and education always have been a weakness for me…_

I open the musty novel, pages crinkling in that beautiful note only well-loved books can. Before I have time for a second thought, I'm yanked into the alternate world, one where the line between Dauntless, Abnegation, Amity, and Candor and Erudite people is uncomfortably thin.

We are silent for the most part. The continuous clinking of forks and knives begins to make me feel uneasy. Dad isn't looking at Mom; Andi's brown eyes are glued to her plate. She isn't eating too much either.

_Did something happen at Victoria's? _I want to ask. She was gone barely two hours.

Dad clears his throat then wipes his chin, clearing the stubble of bits of coleslaw.

"So," he begins and Mom must know what he's going to ask next. Her fork pauses momentarily and her gray eyes flash with inner lightning. However, she remains silent and continues eating before anyone else has a moment to notice her brief storm.

I quickly meet my father's brown eyes.

"Your big day is coming soon," he remarks and the former knots reform around my stomach.

I can only nod.

Dad curls his fingers, forearms resting on the table, the black tattoo ink swirling on his large bicep peeking past the ebony t-shirt sleeve. His eyes are gentle however his jaw is set, locked. I can tell he doesn't want to be harsh but it doesn't look as if he has a choice.

"Have you decided what it is you want to join?" he inquires before shoveling another forkful of coleslaw into his mouth.

I swallow, not wanting to answer and my eyes quickly dart to my mother. She is silent as usual, casting sideways glances at Andi, who is still transfixed on her full plate of food.

"I have to give it some more thought," I admit, my dry throat making my voice crack.

Dad's eyes close and open as a sign of understanding.

"You know we'll be proud of you no matter what your decision is," Mom finally says. She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

That worries me.

_You don't think I can make it, can you? _I think bitterly and fork a piece of rare steak into my mouth.

Dad loudly swallows his water and stands, finally taking his eyes off me.

_He knows...Dad knows what I'm thinking. _

A former Erudite himself, Dad has an amazing way of analyzing people and the world. Most likely where I get my own analytical skills from.

_Even so, it's not enough for Mom to want me in Erudite…they are much more than just analyzing things. _

"Jay, when you're finished, come downstairs please," he commands and I jump a little.

"O-okay," I stammer, and immediately stand, tossing half my meal down the garbage disposal before Dad is able to protest about my not eating the rest of my food.

He caves and I follow him to the basement, my back burning from the glares of Mom and Andi's inquiry. The steps creak and moan, familiar childhood spooks.

"Remember when you were little and you wouldn't come down here without me?" Dad laughs lightly. I snort.

"You never let me forget it," I sigh, smiling. Dad gives me a nostalgic glance and bounds down the remaining steps. I follow him through the Training Room door, the old punching bag swaying from the fraying rope.

"I take it I'm falling out of shape again?" I laugh, nervous of his answer even though it's true. Dad steadies the punching bag and shakes his head.

"Close the door please," he asks and I obey, allowing the wooden door to click into place.

_Is something wrong? _I wish I could ask, but I don't want to know the answer. If what Andi said about Mom is true, then, surely Dad would be disappointed in me.

_I can't have that happen…I can't._

"Jay," he begins and his voice softer than I expected it to be, "you know I'm very proud of you."

I blink.

"You've become a very mature and beautiful young lady. I'm proud of you," Dad says and rests his forearms against the punching bag. The light catches on his black hair, shadows making his stubble like beard appear much darker. He's avoiding my gaze.

"But you're going to be on your own soon, making your own choices. I guess I'm just as nervous as you are."

I tilt my head.

"Is it because you were in Erudite and transferred to Dauntless?"

"Basically," Dad grins, "I was so worried what my family would think. What everyone would think...but I did what was best for me. And I don't want you making a decision because of someone else. If you want to stay, then do so, if not, we'll all support you." His grin widens a bit.

I pause. I want to stay in Dauntless but I have no idea as to why. Because it's all I've ever known? My childhood is printed in the invisible hand prints from grasping onto the moving train, weaved between the links of fences I climbed over with Victoria, Uriel and Andi. Most importantly…no other faction has Andi. I would be leaving her behind.

_I can't leave my sister..._

"If you want," Dad seems to be reading me like a book, "we can train."

"For what?" I blurt out, realizing how stupid the question is the moment I finish it.

"Well, if you're going to stay in Dauntless, I would like to take some precautions. Those leaders will beat your ass into the ground."

_Thanks Dad. _

"I don't mean to be that dad, but it's true," he continues, "those trainers are harsher on Dauntless born—or so I hear. So, we're going to start training. If not for the sake of your choice, then, old times' sake. Is that alright?"

Dad's brown eyes gleam the same way Andi's do whenever she's brimming with hope. I allow a smile to conquer me.

"Of course."


	3. Chapter 3

I manage to escape to the library during my free period. Of course it's spotted with the blue uniforms of the Erudite. I breath a sigh of relief when most of them are so enchanted with the scientific books, they don't notice me. I slip to the back and run my finger over the worn spines of old classics, hoping to find the one I hid a few weeks ago. The leather covers make my finger tingle, almost feeling as though they are covered in fur. Finally, I hook my index finger around the one I want and weave my way to the back.

Kicking chair out from the table, I step up on it and hoist myself into the low rafters of the library. Bookshelves creak as I quickly bounce off them, book clamped in my mouth. I nestle against the beams after pulling myself up and slide my finger between the pages, the edge of my bookmark biting my finger. Surprisingly, none of the Erudite students give me a second glance, as if they never noticed that I could see them all over the towering shelves. But then, I'm a Dauntless; not many bother searching for a Dauntless in a library.

Smirking to myself, I absorb myself into another world.

**LATER ON...**

"Where were you?" Victoria interrogates as we jog towards the train. "I was searching for you at lunch and you were a no show. I had to flip over the railing all by myself!"

I roll my eyes and tighten the straps of my pack.

"You poor soul," I mock and Victoria sticks her tongue out.

"Are you coming over tonight?"

I wait to answer her question. Our jog breaks into a sprint as the train picks up speed. With hands outstretched, Victoria and I grasp metal bars and swing ourselves into the chugging train just as it rounds a corner.

"Eh, I'm bailing tonight," I answer as we toss our bags to the ground. Two Abnegation girls stand for us but Victoria waves her hand. "I'm training with my dad."

"I'd rather stand, but thanks," she says and I nod to them. The girls stare at us, then exchange glances before hesitantly re-seating themselves.

"I guess they haven't heard that before," I mutter to Victoria and she sighs.

"Kind of sad, when you think about it."

I silently agree with her, my hand gripping the bar running across the ceiling. I fix my gaze out the train window, broken trees and the distant, glassy lake r Minutes pass, then Victoria grabs her bag.

"Time to go," she grins and in one motion, I grab my bag and leap out the train door before she has another chance to move. Rolling across the building top, I dig my elbows into the rocky concrete to stop myself.

"Hurry up, molasses!" I call as I bounce to my feet, Victoria already in midair. She lands with the clap of her feet against the concrete.

"Hey. Shut up," she tugs my t-shirt sleeve as she sprints by. I chase after her, the two of us leaping off one building to the next. Once we reach the smaller of the bunch, we scale down it, using window sills as stepping stones.

"Are you excited for Choosing Day?" I ask as my feet kiss the concrete, soles stinging. Victoria shrugs and we weave down the familiar maze of roads.

"I guess you could call it that," she replies, her black hair swaying over her face. I feel my eyebrow rise and I study her, but she avoids eye contact.

_Alrighty then._

**Later that Night...  
**

"Punch harder, Jay," Dad instructs as the punching bag swings back towards him. I lean back and kick the middle of it, the bag coming back at me and crushing against my fist.

"You need to be the _attacker_!"

I spin as I kick, skin burning and one of my toes cracking. Dad uncrosses his arms and slips his hands in his pockets. I suck in damp air and force my arm to whip out and punch once more.

"You need to focus!" Dad rumbles, slapping his bear like hand across the bag to stop it. "Allow yourself to analyze the situation and then calculate what your next move is."

I stretch my arms, sweat dripping from my throbbing biceps.

"Alright," I say, "go."

Dad pushes the punching bag towards me.

_Wait until it's about a yard away. _

My arms lock near my face and unhinge as I lean towards the bag and punch it solidly in the middle. Swaying back, the rope creaks and I advance, thrusting my foot against the battering fabric.

_Concentrate._

Dusty shadows sway as the bag soared back. I loosen my arms, leveling them with eyes and release another punch to the side of the bag. It spins and swings toward me, connecting with the pad of my foot. Inhaling stale air, I wheel myself around to give a finishing kick. A grin plays on Dad's lips.

"I think that's enough for tonight," he says and steadies the punching bag. "Go shower and do your homework."

I nod and dart out of the training room. Catching my breath, I mount the last stair before turning into the bathroom, closing the door and pushing the shower faucet on.

_Maybe I won't be as hopeless as I thought..._

**The Following Morning...**

I see Victoria running towards me, my heart sinking.

"This is the last day we can do this!" she exclaims and I run with her. "Today is testing day! Aren't you excited?!"

I force a small smile. Dad's training did not last as long as I had hoped. Would I really be able to stay in Dauntless?

"Come on, we're going to miss the train!" Victoria cried as she swung over the fence and I followed, both of us breaking into sprints as soon as our feet hit the ground. She runs into the sunlight, her toned arms pumping between heartbeats.

"Pick up the pace, Jay!"

Sunlight kisses the city, a breeze gracing over the distant lake and through the rickety branches of withering trees. Victoria's laugh echos across the notes of the wind, her full lips pulled back into the brilliant white smile I grew up with.

_If only this could be in slow motion, _I think, wishing to pause this moment of pure bliss. _Victoria so desperately wants to leave this faction...even if she doesn't admit it. _

She was as carefree as Amity members. The way she laughed, so free and peaceful.

_Her smile, able to light up anything. _

My red hair brushed against my shoulder, the ends falling back toward my waist. For a moment, the red swayed over to the black, the onyx curls engulfing the ruby braid.

_Moments like this..._

Victoria pumped her fists into the air as she leaps to the train, effortlessly rolling into the cabin. I tumble in after her, bumping into fellow Dauntless boys, most of them laughing. One helps me to my feet, the sunlight catching his lip and eye brow piercings.

_I wish I could make them immortal. _


End file.
